I love what my friend “Jen” did last month—she had a vacation at home. Jen and her husband both come from large families, plus they have an active social life. But over the years, Jen realized that all she seemed to do was react to life, rather than direct it. She found herself always doing what she needed to do, rarely taking time to do what she wanted to do. But when she thought about it, she wasn’t even sure what she really wanted because she was so busy reacting to everyone else.
Finally, she decided to put a big “X” through her calendar for the entire month of September. She maintained only the regular social events that really nurtured her—such as our walk every Tuesday morning—and for everything else that came up, she told people she had a conflict.
There was one problem with Jen’s plan though—her house didn’t feel like some glorious, restful place for her to vacation in. So Jen and I wondered how she could make her month “away” feel like she was staying in a hotel or at a resort. What are the elements that we all love about staying in some relaxing place away from home? We then took it a step further and wondered how we could “vacationize” our whole lives! What we came up with is a plan to create your own mini-vacation at home—and make life simpler—all of the time.
Mini-vacation goal: What do I love most about staying in hotels, inns, guesthouses, and resorts? They’re clean and free of clutter. Before you go on your at-home vacation, clear away your clutter so you can relax. Pick a date for your “vacation,” like Jen did, and get busy clearing out everything—and I mean everything—that you don’t love or use regularly, and get it done before you “leave.” Pretend you really are going away and that you have a housesitter coming to care for your house while you are away. Imagine that you don’t want to have this housesitter see all of your mess, so you need to get busy cleaning it up before your “departure” date. If this “housesitter” idea doesn’t motivate you, then find something that will, so you can get the job done in time for your “vacation.” You simply will not be able to relax at home if the place is a mess.
Long-term goal: Jen realized that every time she went away on a real vacation, she didn’t usually look forward to coming home because the place didn’t feel relaxing to her. So she analyzed her house to determine what made it feel stressful. She realized that the yard was the number one culprit. It was not inviting and always reminded her that she had a lot of work ahead of her to make it look better. Jen and her husband are focusing on turning their yard into a low maintenance oasis that offers a place of refuge—not work.
What’s causing you the most stress in your home? For instance, is it paper clutter? Then read through past issues of Simple Living to get ideas on streamlining. Are your household fixtures broken? Start repairing them, one by one. If you don’t want to do the repairs yourself, hire someone rather than stew about it. If you don’t want to pay for the job, then consider doing trades. You get the idea. Find creative ways to solve these problems, one step at a time.
Mini-vacation goal: One option is to take a vacation from social and other extraneous events, like Jen did, and continue to go to work. Another (and, arguably, more compelling) choice is to schedule your vacation at home as a real vacation away from work and formally take time off.
Long-term goal: When you go on a real vacation, how do you feel about returning to your job? Everyone has some trepidation, but how deep is yours? Do you generally enjoy what you do for a living or does it cause you a lot of stress? Since my goal is to help you find a way to keep that vacation feeling throughout your life (more or less!), your job will play a major role. If your job is a chronic source of stress, then take steps now to find another job or line of work.
For example, if you need re-training, you could start preparing right now by saving the absolute most money you can—spending on nothing but essentials—so you can buy yourself some time off work to get trained. Or maybe you just need to make some changes at the job you have. Pinpoint the changes that would be most helpful and see if there isn’t a way to implement them. For instance, when my friend Jean’s boys were small, she really wanted to be home with them more, but had a corporate job downtown. She finally convinced her bosses to let her telecommute on all days that she didn’t have meetings, and it’s been working fine for several years.
Mini-vacation goal: Stop the mail for two weeks. Pretend you won’t be there to read it. One of the reasons people love to get away is to forget about bills and other reminders of daily life. So ask the post office to hold your mail for two weeks (the average time for a vacation). Be sure to pay your bills before your vacation starts, so you won’t be worrying about them.
Long-term goal: Slow down the amount of mail you receive on a daily basis. Do this by taking the following steps:
- Call the 800 number on every fashion, home décor, and other similar consumer catalog you receive and tell them you want off of their list. This not only results in less mail, but also less temptation to buy. I found that every time I saw a new fashion catalog, I was always—without fail—tempted to buy something that I never even knew existed before I saw the catalog. Now, when I need a new item of clothing I go in search of it, rather than reacting to whatever the catalogs are tempting me with.
- Get rid of bills that aren’t necessary. Some bills you can’t get rid of, like utility and phone. But you sure as heck don’t need a lot of the other ones you receive, such as multiple credit cards, cable TV payments, car payments, and the like. Think about it—you go on vacation for a lot of reasons, but one of them is to escape the relentless bills that come in. So if you want to extend your vacation permanently—find a way to simplify and have far fewer bills. That means signing up for fewer unnecessary services, and buying less stuff on credit. What’s more important to you—having the feeling of being on vacation all of the time, or having a lot of stuff to take care of and continually pay for?
Mini-vacation goal: Don’t answer the phone for the duration of your vacation. Turn off the ringer, unplug the answering machine—do whatever you need to do so you aren’t tempted to answer the phone. I know there are people who make calls and answer their cell phones while on a real vacation, but I am not one of them. The only time I do this is if I am expecting an important call. Otherwise, when I’m on a real vacation, I’m on vacation. Gone. Out of here. If you are the type who feels the need to stay connected while on vacation, give this a try for a couple of days. It might be hard at first, but you can do it. This is your time.
Long-term goal: Ask yourself if you truly need to answer your cell phone all of the time. Why do you need to answer it (or make calls) while driving, for instance? If you’re in a store or doing an errand, how about just focusing on what you are doing? Cell phones can be convenient, but they aren’t one of life’s necessities. If you have one, think about how to use it judiciously, so it doesn’t control and interrupt your life.
Mini-vacation goal: No computers! No e-mails! Nyet! No! Nada! None! Zip! Nothing doing! Don’t even think about it for one second! No excuses! None of this “Oh, I just have to check one little thing!” Non! Nej! Crimeny. Go on vacation, already! Don’t stay plugged into stress! If you get the heeby jeebies just thinking about unplugging, then my guess is you have some kind of computer addiction. Or if you are so busy at work that you just cannot go on vacation without taking your work with you, then something ain’t right and y’all are going to find yourself in the heart attack ward if you don’t figure out a way to knock it off and work more efficiently.
Every now and then, okay, you might have to take work with you, but heaven help us all—and heaven help your stress—if your regular M.O. is to always take your confounded laptop computer with you on vacation, or feel the need to check in at every little Internet café you see. On your mini-vacation, put the cotton-pickin’ computer in the closet and lock the door.
Long-term goal: I already said it. If the hairs on your arms and head start standing on end at the mere thought of not being able to get on the computer at all times, then get help if you cannot monitor yourself. People waste so much time on computers, it’s scary. Use your computer efficiently—don’t let it run your life.
Mini-vacation goal: Take a news break. My very favorite vacation places are quaint little hideaways that don’t have television. It’s so easy and tempting to haul out the remote when there is a TV, but to me, it’s not a real vacation if I’m plugged in to the news (or other programs) the entire time I’m gone.
Long-term goal: Don’t watch the news on television at all. I really dislike TV news because it’s so incredibly, unnecessarily provocative. Instead, get your news from newspapers or news magazines where you have control over what, when, and how much you want to read.
Mini-vacation goal: If you decide to really make this a vacation with time off from work, I suggest doing those things that you’ve always said you were going to do, but never seemed to have the time for. Don’t chisel them into stone unless you need to (i.e. tickets are going fast), but keep the ideas handy for spur-of-the-moment activities.
Long-term goal: If you are like Jen and feel as though your life isn’t your own, think about cutting out the activities that no longer energize you. Start learning how to say “no.” One of the easiest ways to do this is to buy yourself time before responding to an invitation. If someone asks you to do something, get into the habit of always saying “I have to check my schedule. I’ll get back to you tomorrow (or the next day).” This gives you time to think about how you really feel, and time to formulate a response.
I hope this gets you started on the vacation of a lifetime—and one that lasts for a lifetime! Please send me a quick note at askjanet@simpleliving.com (but not during your vacation!) and let me know how you spent your time off. Bon Voyage!
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